How To Set Boundaries With Imposter Syndrome
Your greatness is interrupted by Imposter Syndrome; read this essay, you must. See the light in you; you will.
Whether you just graduated from university or have been in the workforce for some time, you likely have big goals. I see nothing wrong with pursuing excellence – whatever that means to you. I encourage you to dream big, plan big, and to take action on the life you want to actualize. After all, we live in an era of unprecedented opportunity; some don’t see it that way, I do, though, and I cannot let go of that vision. Through working smart, consistent drive, and an unwavering commitment, you can get much closer to those dreams of yours.
The psychological aspects of achieving high goals can bring much more resistance than people realize. Specifically, I am stuck on creating a safe space to explore the idea of imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome can be a sneaky obstacle that can prevent you from reaching the vision you see clearly. Moreover, it can cause you to doubt the massive ability and skills that you have.
Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. 'Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.
In this essay, I want to discuss imposter syndrome and how setting mindset boundaries can help you manage your imposter syndrome. By implementing the insights discussed here, you can better handle your imposter syndrome and confidently strive toward your goals.
The Struggles of Imposter Syndrome
If you feel like you’re experiencing imposter syndrome, you are not alone. There are plenty of high-strivers in the world that share the symptoms of this psychological pattern.
According to the American Psychological Association, imposter syndrome exists among high achievers who cannot internalize or accept their success. When looking at their past accomplishments, they often think that they were from luck or some other source versus their actual capabilities. Because of this, those suffering from imposter syndrome are always on edge. They fear that they will “be discovered” to be way out of their depth, which will expose them as a fraud and tarnish their careers forever.
We put too much pressure on ourselves. Say words that calm you and allow unneeded pressure to fade away.
Merely looking at imposter syndrome's definition makes you recognize the substantial amount of pressure we put on ourselves. It’s this idea that we are never good enough to feel comfortable where we are. Even if we have an impressive resume and a long list of accomplishments, imposter syndrome can be an anchor that prevents us from moving forward.
A newcomer or rookie can also feel unworthy when comparing their journey to the veterans in any particular field. It’s like the first day of college feeling when you see all these seniors, and you assume that they’re smart, more mature, and have life all together. The truth is, we are all at different points, and there is no value in comparing yourself to the next person’s journey. You’ve walked a different path, and yours deserves the utmost respect.
While we may have the skills and drive to accomplish our highest goals, imposter syndrome keeps us stuck.
How To Manage Imposter Syndrome With Boundaries
Imposter syndrome doesn’t need to be debilitating, however. Whether you continuously feel it or only feel it from time-to-time, you can put it to the side and confidently accelerate toward your goals. But how? Here’s how:
Step One: Breathe It Out
Take time to slow down. Breathe, pause and focus on the thoughts that help you actualize what you are visualizing.
It all comes down to developing and honoring your intellectual boundaries. When those feelings come up, the very first thing you should do is stop and acknowledge them. Yes, that’s right. See them, feel them, make space for them. Allow those I am not good enough feelings to flow through you. And once they run their course, exhale them out. Having a consistent breathing practice will help you slow down and acknowledge and let go of those feelings. I am a firm believer in confronting and making space for all emotions. I don’t believe “ignoring” them and just “getting over them” is sound or practical advice, so I don’t give it. I give the opposite direction, lean into it, and develop a breathing practice that allows you to exhale those emotions. When you hear those words creep into your day, I want you to combat them with a positive affirmation. Here are two that I use:
“I am worthy of this opportunity.”
“I do not have to compare myself to anyone, not even a future version of myself.”
Step Two: Honor your gifts.
Let’s say you want to start a new project or even a new business, or there is an idea burning inside you. At the same time, you may spend lots of time thinking about how others will perceive your new venture; you may even say to yourself, “nobody will like this.” Before you know it, imposter syndrome is rearing its fangs, and you move on to the next project, or you sit idle and do nothing.
A great way to avoid this situation is to honor your gifts. By this, I mean it’s critical to take a step back and recognize your skills and talent. Take a positive and gentle view of yourself and identify all of the advantages that you have in your corner. You could write down ten skills that you have and tape them on your bathroom mirror. This is a great visual reminder of your actual abilities.
Another strategy is to get five people who can honestly perceive you to write you a letter about your gifts and strengths. I would be brutally honest and tell them about your struggles. If you have 5-7 people who know you, write a letter about what you can do, that can be one of the most significant motivational pieces you’ll ever see. You’ll be able to touch a document of “I believe in you” or “I see you, and I want you to be great.” I want to believe that most people will do this for you if you are honest about your struggle and if you tell them about the help you need.
On the flip side, try hard to block out those negative influences triggering your imposter syndrome. Take a break from social media, as seeing others’ successes can cause you to doubt or question yourself. The overall goal here is to avoid those individuals or groups that will cause you to think that you’re “in over your head” or “not qualified” for the task at hand. And to surround yourself with the people who believe in you, who push you, who know that you’re a growing human who is allowed to make mistakes and learn on his or her journey.
Managing Your Imposter Syndrome
Please do not do it alone; bring your community in on this.
Imposter syndrome can be a problematic passenger as you try to drive towards your goals (let him out of the car and make him walk, you keep driving, ha)!
Block off those negative influences that don’t help you achieve your end goal. While it takes some practice, putting in the work can help you feel less anxious and more confident. Please do not do it alone; bring your community in on this.
I’ve written about the feeling of not enough and how to get over it in my bestselling book Free Your Energy. That book will help you with this journey if you’d like further reading. My course, Build Your Boundaries, currently has 78 enrolled students. It teaches you how to build boundaries in your relationships, with family, with yourself, and imposter syndrome is what I like to call an “intellectual boundary.” Learning the entire Build Your Boundaries framework will assist you greatly with imposter syndrome as well.
In Summary:
One: Breathe It Out.
Two: Honor your gifts.
Three: Don’t do this alone; bring your community in.
Four: Surround yourself with people who believe in you.
Five: Nothing has to be perfect; all we have to do is try and learn and continue to try.
Six: Action is better than idleness. The action allows you to get movement behind your idea. This does not mean you have to rush or make a fool of yourself; it just means you need to take one small step TODAY, towards the vision. Action is what gets us closer to actualizing what we are visualizing. As long as you take small steps consistently, over time, you’ll see a big difference.
Take a look at the new Build Your Boundaries trailer here:
The Build Your Boundaries program is a step-by-step course that teaches you HOW to build healthy and effective boundaries! Go to buildyourboundaries.net to register for the course.