How To Get Closure
Let's talk about
The Comeback Trail
versus
Closure.
The Comeback Trail
A couple of years ago, my good friend and Horacio Jones came up with this concept called the comeback trail as we were trying to explain that behavior in dating when a person wants to leave, but they keep going back over-and-over, even though nothing has changed.
It was triggered by thinking about one of the greatest video games of all-time, and in my life, it was one of the first ones I can recall seeing. When we were kids, we played this game called Oregon Trail on the computer. The screen was black, and the animations were green. Kids today would not be okay with these graphics.
It was designed to teach students about the realities of 19th-century pioneer life on the Oregon Trail. In the game, the player assumes the role of a wagon leader guiding a party of settlers from Independence. What ends up happening is, once you play the game, you memorize the path and all of the outcomes. It becomes an autopilot task, and the clear choices no longer are that, because you know what to do to keep moving forward.
It's not a journey anymore because you already know the trail, you know what is going to happen, and the fun gets taken out of it. The comeback trail happens in dating; it happens when we're trying to heal. It can happen when we're trying to get promoted. We fall back on lazy behaviors or when we are trying to when we're trying to lose weight or build muscle. Again, we keep falling back on certain practices.
The comeback trail is when we find ourselves going back to the same thing that's holding us back. We do no consciously process our available choices. When we find ourselves in this pattern, we should have compassion for ourselves. However, we need to snap out of it and get off of autopilot. So, you're wondering how we stop making The Comeback Trail choice, and how do we start getting closure?
How To Get Closure
Closure is a process that feels different for every person. The very first thing we have to do to gain closure is to acknowledge what is going on. By accepting what is going on, we allow specific options to become available to us. For example, If I want to put on a few pounds of muscle, I do not know where to begin, merely admitting that it would give me freedom. My best friend my be a trainer or maybe, because I can be honest with myself and acknowledge that I don't know, then I'll have the courage to ask for a meeting with the trainers at my gym. Help is available to us, but we have to have the courage, to be honest, and face ourselves.
The next step is to think about what type of life you want and who you want to be. Personally, in my life, I want to feel good and enjoy life. I don't wish to every action I take to come from a survivor's mindset. I want to feel worthy of thriving, happiness, and love. I want to go for whatever goal or dream I have, and I want others around me to help me get there. As a teammate, I want to have the complementary skills and talents to be there for others and help them along their way. Describing this sounds simple, and you may be saying, "Yes, I agree, that is what I want to." But my question is this, have you said that to yourself and meant it? Have you defined and described what you want, what you deserve, what you're willing to work towards?
Once you do define it, it becomes one million times easier to set healthy boundaries with whatever may stop you from actualizing that life.
And for today, the last step we should focus on is called change. W have to remain open to change. If you and your ex have broken up 17 and a half times, and nothing has changed, why do we think it is going to work suddenly? I do not say that to discourage at all. I think we should be with who we want, but if we are having that much turbulence, we need to do the first step, which is to acknowledge it. The next step is to ask what we want out of this and how we envision it going. And then, we have to stay open to change.
In Summary,
Acknowledge The Issues Or Situations (This can be internally or with other people involved as well)
Visualize What You Want Our Of This Situation And Life
Remain Open To Change
I feel strongly about those steps. Yes, there's more, and yes, gaining closure is much more complicated than this. However, this video and this essay is a high starting point. It gives us a realistic baseline of where we can start to gain control over our own life. Do not discredit these simple steps because these are powerful and can make a BIG difference in your life today.